Thursday, December 13, 2007

Which Object Does Not Belong?


There was a line of mini vans and SUVs in the parking lot, and I pulled up in my convertible Celica with the top down, music blasting, and my spiky-haired teen and his skateboard riding shotgun.

It was our first day at the homeschool group/park day/play date/Chinese water torture. Call it a social experiment. I wanted to see what it was all about. I think it took the other homeschool mothers exactly .03 of a second to determine that I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. What teaching method was I using? Charlotte Mason? Waldorf? Montessori? Unschooling?

I'm not sure. What do you call it when you hand your kid a stack of books and threaten great bodily injury if he doesn't study them? That's my teaching method.

And, of course, once my son was off socializing with the other kids, I was the main attraction for the Show and Tell hour. The McCarthy Hearings--a stroll through the park. The Spanish Inquisition--a cake walk. Try being grilled by two picnic tables full of OC homeschool moms.

I really wanted to fit in, so I decided to tell them all about me--I'd been a single mom for 13 years and wasn't sure of the whereabouts of my son's father. I worked as a topless dancer and had recently learned to cook meth in the bathtub of my double-wide trailer. To supplement my income, I started hosting same-sex orgies every Sunday after attending services at Saddleback Church. I was still obsessed about being dumped by the man of my dreams. And I'd always wanted to be a writer.

Ok...so I didn't really say that. Well, not all of it anyway. But it certainly would've made the day more interesting if I had.


###

5 comments:

Kate said...

I just finished the breakup diet and I LOVED it. Just wanted you to know. :-)

Cher'ley said...

Well, if that was your life...Whew.

I wanted to give you a short break-up story and a break-up tip so email me when you get a chance. The links on your pages don't seem to like me.
Thanks
Cher'ley
http://cherley.webs.com/

Danika / OpenChannel said...

Hi Annette, thanks for stopping by my blog. I'm poking around on your site. Very nicely done with lots to do. Someday my website will be as cool!

cheers,
danika

Danika / OpenChannel said...

Oh, btw - this entry is hysterical. I wish you HAD said those things. Would have loved to have seen the look on their faces. Do you ever watch the show WEEDS? So funny.

Mariam said...

I am Mariam used every single spell worker on the internet, spent untold amounts of money and discovered they are all fakes...i was the fool though; doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. In the end, I decided that I wanted a tarot reading to know what my future held for me; I contacted a woman who lives locally to me and she told me about a man named (Priests Abija); he does not advertise on the internet, has another job for income, has no set prices, makes no false promises and refuses to help anyone that cannot be helped and even helps for free sometimes, he will give you proof before taking money. He is a wonderful man and he was the only person who actually gave me real results. I really hope he doesn't mind me advertising his contact on the internet but I'm sure any help/ extra work will benefit him.contact him here as (518) 303-6207 or spirituallighthealing101@live.com He travel sometimes.i cant give out his number cos he told me he don’t want to be disturbed by many people across the world..he said his email is okay and he’ will replied to any emails asap,love marriage,finance, job promotion ,lottery Voodoo,poker voodoo,golf Voodoo,Law & Court case Spells,money voodoo,weigh loss voodoo,any sicknesses voodoo,Trouble in marriage,HIV AIDS,it's all he does Hope this helps everyone that is in a desperate situation as I once was; I know how it feels to hold onto something and never have a chance to move on because of the false promises and then to feel trapped in wanting something
more.